How do you know that the other person is right for you in terms of love?

I believe the most important factor in determining whether someone is the right person for you is that you can be authentically yourself with them. You don’t feel the need to hide parts of yourself to please them or to be worthy of their love. I am not talking about your personal, internal fears. I am talking about the fears that come about as a result of the way they treat you. If you have to genuinely change who you are to please them, they are not right for you. If you have to pretend that you don’t have certain wants and needs to please them, they are not right for you. It is dangerous to be with someone who conditions you to believe that you only deserve or will receive their love if you are a certain way, speak a certain way, and be a certain way. 

How to deal with overthinking due to rejection?

Maybe it’s not overthinking. Maybe it’s just thinking. Maybe it’s reflecting and going inward. When you resist the thought and judge yourself for having it, it controls you. Allow the thought to visit. Listen to it. Validate it for yourself. Give yourself the support, love and understanding you’d give someone you love. After that, you can just let the thought be and let it go. If someone rejects you, it is not a reflection of how worthy or not you are of their love. It is just an indication that this is not the right person for you. Your worthiness of love is not determined by someone else wanting you. You wanting yourself, and growing into the most authentic version of yourself are more important than someone else deciding that you deserve love.

Do you believe in love? True love? Is it once or can it happen more than one time?

I do believe in love. I also believe you can fall in love many, many times. The truth is, you will meet many people in your life who will both want and need your love. You will leave some people having given them more love than you ever thought possible. Some people will drain you of love. And some people will make you love love. It’s just the nature of life. As long as you focus on the love you have within, and the love you deserve, you will never have to abandon yourself in the pursuit of love.

How to overcome an inferiority complex?

In Welcome Home, I talk about the importance of going all the way back to the origin story that initially made you believe you are not enough, less than, a burden, etc. I call it your “why can’t I have that?” story. That can be love, belonging, affection, being prioritized, etc. We all have that story. Once you can identify it, you can break it down and unlearn all that you learned about yourself and pave a new road to place where you feel worthy of all of that. When you genuinely feel worthy, you will live through worth, nor inferiority.

How to stop someone that is trying to make you doubt your own memories of a past event? (Gaslighting)

The way to stop someone from gaslighting you is to make your truth more powerful and more important than convincing them of your truth. Their approval or validation of the truth you know you lived is not necessary. It’s that simple. Repeat to yourself: “my truth, the truth, is more important than their validation of it.” Also, please remove yourself from the environment. When you live in a delusion for long enough, you’ll start believing it to be the truth.

How do you choose between what your heart wants vs. what your mind is telling you have to do?

I’d ask, is it your heart or is it your ego? Or is it your childhood trauma? Many times, we go after what we know is wrong for us because we are trying to convince ourselves that a belief we have about ourselves is not true. For example, we go after the love of someone who doesn’t want us in hopes that winning over their love will change the belief we have about ourselves that we don’t deserve love. We might also stay in a relationship that does not bring us the fulfillment and love we know we need and deserve out of our fear of abandonment or not having someone love us. We settle based on the fears that our traumas have left us with.

How do I start healing from a breakup?

Big question. In my opinion, working on yourself is the ultimate way to heal from a breakup. Working on building a home within after most likely building a home within someone else for so long is the ultimate goal. On that journey, facing the difficult emotions that will inevitably come to the surface is so essential. You will experience a wave of different emotions. You will cry some days, be in denial some days, feel completely healed some days, only to have a song or a turn you take a stop sign remind you of them and take you to square one. I cannot stress this enough: you must show yourself the empathy and compassion you’d show someone you care about in these moments. You must remind yourself that it is so natural to miss them, but that missing them does not mean they are healthy for you. That is the way to acceptance. Once you accept the end by making yourself your home, and by understanding that no one welcoming you is more important than you welcoming yourself, you will accelerate and celebrate your healing. Though it might be painful, you will sleep at night knowing that it is only painful because you are choosing yourself and your peace over wanting someone else’s love and welcome.

I get so upset when one of my closest friends is inconsistent with communication, why?

Perhaps answering that question for yourself would help. Why do you get upset? Ask yourself “why” as many times as you need to get to the root of it. For example: “Why do I get upset when my friend isn’t consistent with communication?” Answer: Because I feel like I’m not important to them. “Why does that upset me?” Answer: Because friends always put me low on their priority list. “Why does that upset me?” Answer: Because it makes me feel that I am not worthy of being prioritized. 

That would be what actually upsets you. You then ask yourself if that is true. It’s not. Taking the focus off them not being consistent and what that means about you is necessary. Wanting closeness and communication with friends is a legitimate need to have. Focus on what you want, not what the lack of it means about you. 

What do you mostly do whenever a painful memory suddenly comes into your mind?

Imagine the memory as a visitor knocking on your door. If you keep trying to ignore that it’s knocking, the knock will only get louder. The more you resist it, the more it controls you. So just allow it in, have tea with it, as I talk about in Welcome Home. Validate it by listening to what it has to say and then let it leave. If it's traumatically painful, perhaps having a safety plan in advance of what you'll do is a good idea. You can call a friend, scream into a pillow, go for a walk, etc. Ultimately, allowing the memory in as much as you can will allow you to have power over it. It also allows you to decide that creating new memories is more important than living past ones. 

How do you forget someone after being hurt?

I would ask: why do you want to forget them? Do you really want to forget them? Or do you want to let go of the pain? It would be wonderful if we had the ability to forget those we want to forget, but that’s not how life works. Perhaps instead of focusing on forgetting them, focus on healing from the pain you went through with them. That will involve you not focusing so much on forgetting them, because that is just the way to remember them even more. Focus on putting the power of your healing and well-being in your hands. Their importance in your life will naturally fade when you become the most important person in your life.